Thirty years ago today the trajectory of my life changed forever.
One moment I was a healthy, happy seven-year-old running around our new house playing with friends, and the next I was being rushed to the hospital. I don’t remember much about that day. More like flashes really. I remember collapsing in the first hospital, waking up briefly in the second hospital, and then nothing until the next day when I woke up in the third hospital paralyzed on my right side.
It’s been almost two years ago now that I sat in my counselor’s office sobbing uncontrollably. She looked across the empty space between us and simply asked, “Do you have hope?” I shook my head no. I have no idea what she said after that. It’s hard to hear anything when you are in a pit of despair and a storm is raging.
With some reservations I want share something with you. I suffer from OCD. Not the funny “haha I like everything in it’s place” OCD. I suffer from crippling Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I hear people joke all the time about their “OCD kicking in”; however for those who truly struggle with this disorder, it is not a joke.
So I have not been participating in Five Minute Fridays lately simply because I have been exhausted. However, the prompt this week really spoke to me. So I finally found few minutes on Sunday morning to formulate my thoughts. Better late than never. Five minutes of free write begins now:
Friend, I have been lost without our regular visits! Sincerely, when I am not able to blog regularly it feels as though I will loose my mind. I learned at an early age that writing was my medium for processing my thoughts. Some sing, some draw or paint, some run (I cannot even imagine…)…I write!
It is morning. I am checking off tasks on my morning routine “to do” list.
It was the WORST DAY EVER! I had a flat, and I had to use my vacation day to get it fixed at the dealership. Yeah, I felt you cringe with me, sister! I know you know my pain!
In my journal one a year ago this weekend, I wrote: “The LORD is so loving to confirm His leading in tender whispers.” That is when He started teaching me about the small life.
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2
If we are all honest, we would admit that we struggle with the issue of pride in one way or another. I remember in college sitting with one of my Bible professors, Dr. Ken Neller, and asking him if I would get over my struggle with pride. Fast forward 15 years and I am still wondering the same thing.
As I have walked through Beth Moore’s book Praying God’s Word: Breaking Free from Spriritual Strongholds, I have learned so much about pride.
I did all the things to prepare for my firstborn, except finish THE BOOK. You know the book…What to Expect…well yeah… When my water broke an entire month early, my very first thought was “But I haven’t finished the book! The chapters on labor and delivery would be helpful right about now.” Three hours later I was holding my miracle.
Last week I tried two new recipes. Neither one was a hit, but we ate it. Yesterday I tried a new recipe for chicken tortilla soup. This is a keeping-it-real moment…I am a cook in training. I thought I could handle a from scratch recipe…nothing canned…half-and-half…the whole bit. I worked all afternoon on chopping vegetables and following the recipe to the “t”. IT WAS AWFUL!!!!!!!